Fatter, but determined

So i am officially OBESE according to medical standards. so much for my amazing diet right? Instead i turned to bingeing for the past two years and Im now 200 pounds. Oh yeah.
You read that right.
200 pounds.   Mmm.
  Sexy.

Well, actually I'm 197 today. So that's a bonus.

Intake

2 1/2 cups ww pasta
1cup shredded mexican cheese
2TBPS butter
1/2 cup tuna.  (i ate about 3/4 of this whole "meal"
6 oz hot chocolate w/ 2% milk.

3/4 of a gargutuan sandwich from jimmy johns *minus the ham*
2 swiss rolls

then went on a 30 minute walk/jog thingy. yay!

Think i'll have some celery soon. That's it. Idfk about calories today. I'm watching for the love of nancy and looking at wannarexia sites lol. I know they're pathetic. I don't have to explain my reasons for watching these movies or looking for tips, 'cause fuck you that's why. It's my life, it's my body. I'll do what I damn well please. If I decide to get skinny as fuck again, I will. If I wanna be a 300 pound whale, that's what I will do. Because it is MY choice. No one else's. No one can do the work for me to lose weight. And no one can digest the food to gain the weight for me either. So keep your god damn opinions to yourself. Got it? :)

Thanks, have a great night.

NOW Some thinspo.

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday 8/5/11

I am actually not sure of my total intake. I have been drinking a lot of coffee with cream (whole or 2%) and a few pumps of vanilla syrup. Those have been throwing me off a bit. But I think I landed in the 1,800 mark.

I also did a beginning running program.. :)

"Week 1: Run one minute, walk 90 seconds (repeat 8 times), cool down afterwards for 5 minutes.
   Do this three times a week."
I should have waited to start this until next week because now the "week one" will bleed into what should be week 2. :/ Oh well. Could just call that a practice day. :P Or call this week one with just two running days since I couldn't do anything today because I overdid it friday. :( Very sore legs!

Today!
Oatmeal (200)
1/2 cup bluberries(50)
1 tblspoon whole milk (10)

1/2 of a small nf cafe au lait with 2 1/2 pumps vanilla (about 155)
3/4 cup rice pudding (195)
Small banana (100)

Medium salad (120)
Whole wheat pita (130)
laughing cow(35)

Coffee samples(35)
1/2 cup bluberries(50)
3 cups multigrain cheerios(330)
1/2 cup 2% (55)

Salmon fillet (90)
Herbs and lemon(10)
small sweet potato(75)
butter(25)
1/2 teasp sugar(10)


1,675


Not toooo horrific. Been worse. :/

How do I abandon this blog so often?

So I am back from a 9 day trip to California (first time being there). Wow... everyone there is HOT. Its not even fair. I felt pale, soft, and fat the entire time. But it also gave me a reason to start trying NOW so that by the time summer comes around again... I will be HOT as well. :D

   So I am going to really try hard to stop bingeing. I saw this article about this girl (age 19) who died from bingeing and purging. Very tragic. The article claimed that her stomach was stretched so far that it went from the bottom of her rib cage to her pubic area. DAMN. That's terrifying. I don't purge... I just binge. I don't even exercise afterwards. I just beat myself up mentally for it the next day... So today I am doing better. I am still going to include yesterday as part of my diet even though I binged because I think its stupid to keep "starting over". Its self-defeating and makes me depressed.

Today.

Oatmeal (200)
Rapsberries (100)
1/4 cup 2%milk (40)
Honey (15)

SIXTEEN CUPS of air-popped popcorn with
3 tablespoons of white cheddar seasoning. :(  I should really stop making air-popped popcorn. It would be healthy if I could not sit down and eat the whole bowl without even getting full....
 I dunno the exact calories and don't care to either.

Wish me luck for the remainder of the day.

I am back on track, once again. :)

Yesterday went okay... til I had a grilled cheese sandwich at midnight lol fail.

Today

2 low-fat oatmeal raisin chewy bars -180

medium pear-96
pb&J- bread-90 peanut butter-140 sugar-free jam-15 (245)
coffee with creamer-55

3/4 package of 100 calorie oreo thins -80
4 tablespoons fat free reddi-whip -10
14 pretzels-77 mustard-0 (120mg sodium)

743 (so far)

Oh and I have already done 40 minutes of running (-340 calories!)

The day before yesterday I did fine until my boyfriend and I went to this amazing eccentric coffee shop. I ended up having a generous sized slice of Lemon Poppyseed cake. :(

Yesterday I did my cardio(35 minutes) and was at a happy 1,440 calories... then I went out with friends and had a small slice of blueberry cheesecake (200) chips and cheese (300) 6oz of beer (100) :(

FAIL.

Today! :)

I'm at about 875 so far (8pm :D) . I am going to have a turkey burger (150) with a bun (100) tomato(20) lettuce (5) mustard(0) miracle whip(15) dill pickles (0) 1/2 baked sweet potato(80) 1 tablespoon butter (50)
 chocolate dipped-strawberry(110)

1,404 I didn't do cardio today but I did walk around a bit.

OY! Another break in posting. :(

Okay! So I have been running pretty consistently so far..

Thursday- 40 minutes running (even jogged 1.5 miles non-stop :D) and relaxed in jacuzzi, oh yeah!
Friday-40 minutes
Saturday- 30 minutes on the treadmill and 13 minutes on the "EFX" or Elliptical trainer
and yesterday (sunday) I ran 33 minutes outside (hills included)

I am currently trying to figure out if I should take a break after five days straight of cardio... or during that five days?

I want to workout today cause I feel like I'm being lazy, but maybe I should give it a rest...

Yesterday went semi-okay.

Had about 1,680 calories, but I was on my bike for about three hours. So I probably burned at least 400 calories. :)

So... 1,280


I have lost sight of what I want though by falling to temptation to carbs. I will post a picture to remind myself what I'm trying to do and what I want more. :)

Hells yeah! This girl is my COMPLETE inspiration at the moment. She went from 200lbs to 111!! Not by starving. Not by KILLING HERSELF AT THE GYM but by cutting out sugar, processed carbs, fat, and unnecessary calories in drinks and toppings (salt, fatty dressings for salad, croutons, etc.)

Although I don't know if replacing sugar (even cane sugar-which your body will process much easier than chemicals like contained in Splenda) with chemicals is better... I guess its not too bad of an approach. I mean look at her. Holy shit.

Treat your body well and it will love you back. :)

TODAY!

One and 1/2 cups fiber 1 cereal (180) cup of almond milk(unsweet) 40, 1/2 grapefruit-30

(250)

Snack: 1/2 grapefruit-37 1/2 cup applesauce-50 egg white(3)-52

(139)

Lunch: PB&J bread-90 1.5 tablespoons peanut butter-150 2 tablespoons jam(sugar-free)-20, 1/2 cup cottage cheese-80 

(340)

Snack: 4 servings sugar-free jello (40) wheat thins (260)

(300)

Dinner: salmon fillet (180) veggies (35) sweet potato (180) butter (40)

(395)

Total: 1,424 :) Not too bad. I will also do cardio tonight so that should burn at least 300 calories.

Woot woot!