4/19/14 (Read it backwards, its the same exact date!! WHOA)
So I was 201 a few days ago and now I'm 197 :D
And I have only worked out twice so far, and yesterday was just a stroll around the neighborhood. The loss could be attributed to not eating as much, and I stayed inside pretty much all day after my walk and did nothing active. :/ Still lost weight!
I had coffee, eggwhites and spinach, ice cream, 3 slices of pizza (b/p'd them), sf jello x2 with grapes and coolwhip, coke zero, 100cal popcorn, and rice with soysauce..
I know, little bits of food all over the place. I swear its what helped though, I kept eating every couple hours so I never got ravenous, except for the pizza -_- God i hate purging. Its traumatizing every time! It's all gross..and messy..smelly.. Bleh. Not a fan.
Todays plan!
Slimrite shake (180) banana (110)
sk1: sweet peas (40), light laughing cow (35)
chicken + salad= (200) ?
sk2: chobani pineapple 100cal, 10 almonds
slimfast bar (200) and buttered brussel sprouts (80)
~aprx=1000 (I have 400 extra calorie wiggle room in addition)
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Saturday, April 5, 2014
So Im reading Wasted by marya hornbacher
Some of my favorite quotes that I have read so far (third time reading this book, so far):
"Bear in mind, people with eating disorders tend to be both competitive and intelligent. We are incredibly perfectionistic. We often excel in school, athletics, artistic pursuits. We also tend to quit without warning. Refuse to go to school, drop out, quit jobs, leave lovers, move, lose all our money. We get sick of being impressive. Rather, we tire of having to seem impressive."
"You have a tendency to firmly attach yourself to anything older and female, collecting mothers in a way."
Both of these things are very true in my life.
Im putting in place new rules:
1400
Slimfast for (breakfast and lunch) along with one of the following:
an egg/fruit/salad/soup/or a half sandwich.
(Dinner) Vegetables, meat, grain, and fat
(Snacks-2) Veg/fruit/yogurt/rice cakes/nuts
(Drinks) Coffee, tea, water, diet soda
Exercise- 1 hour of cardio a day.
Penalties
30 minutes additional cardio per 200 calories over 1400 limit.
Eat 500+ over your limit?? =One hour of cardio additionally to your normal hour. PLUS
10x10 of body weight exercises such as:
Scissor kicks, bicycle crunches, tricep dips, squats, burpees, lunges, mnt climbers, etc...
"Bear in mind, people with eating disorders tend to be both competitive and intelligent. We are incredibly perfectionistic. We often excel in school, athletics, artistic pursuits. We also tend to quit without warning. Refuse to go to school, drop out, quit jobs, leave lovers, move, lose all our money. We get sick of being impressive. Rather, we tire of having to seem impressive."
"You have a tendency to firmly attach yourself to anything older and female, collecting mothers in a way."
Both of these things are very true in my life.
Im putting in place new rules:
1400
Slimfast for (breakfast and lunch) along with one of the following:
an egg/fruit/salad/soup/or a half sandwich.
(Dinner) Vegetables, meat, grain, and fat
(Snacks-2) Veg/fruit/yogurt/rice cakes/nuts
(Drinks) Coffee, tea, water, diet soda
Exercise- 1 hour of cardio a day.
Penalties
30 minutes additional cardio per 200 calories over 1400 limit.
Eat 500+ over your limit?? =One hour of cardio additionally to your normal hour. PLUS
10x10 of body weight exercises such as:
Scissor kicks, bicycle crunches, tricep dips, squats, burpees, lunges, mnt climbers, etc...
Thursday, February 27, 2014
No more options, no more delays
So once again I am coming back from a hiatus in my own personal health movement.
I am going back and forth between being with my boyfriend of 3 years and not knowing if I should be with someone when I don't even love myself to begin with. So we are on a break, again. This is probably the third or fourth break we have taken, the last one was about 8 months long. We grew a bit, but we didn't face the reality of our relationship. Now I am doing that. I need to seek out counseling for my past issues which plague me today. My boyfriend messaged many of my friends and family after I had a nervous break down and declared to him my desire to kill myself. Of course I would never act on these thoughts.. and even my friend and family that he told, told him that. I was pretty embarrassed because I have never really told some of the people he told. People that I work with. -_- I am glad in a way though, because maybe now they will know the everyday struggle that I am battling.
Soapbox aside, I am counting calories, using myfitnesspal again and slowly working out. Can't go hard and can't expect myself to be perfect overnight. I am going back to an old inspiration that I used a couple years ago, the Taralynn girl from undressed skeleton. (http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/) She lost 100 pounds in a year and I am looking at her old menus that she erased. They were pretty low-calorie (1000/1200 range) but she claimed she would add more calories in throughout the day, the 1000 range was for cushion room, or caloric slip ups.
Based on MFP to start losing 2lbs/week I should be eating 1,290k calories a day. To me that's damn low, considering I'm a binge eater. My stomach was sending my brain desperate FEED ME NOW DAMMIT signals all day long. I caved a bit, had birthday cake..but worked out still :) Oh, and I am eating back most of my workout calories so I don't go into starvation mode.
Net calories today: 1,360
I am going back and forth between being with my boyfriend of 3 years and not knowing if I should be with someone when I don't even love myself to begin with. So we are on a break, again. This is probably the third or fourth break we have taken, the last one was about 8 months long. We grew a bit, but we didn't face the reality of our relationship. Now I am doing that. I need to seek out counseling for my past issues which plague me today. My boyfriend messaged many of my friends and family after I had a nervous break down and declared to him my desire to kill myself. Of course I would never act on these thoughts.. and even my friend and family that he told, told him that. I was pretty embarrassed because I have never really told some of the people he told. People that I work with. -_- I am glad in a way though, because maybe now they will know the everyday struggle that I am battling.
Soapbox aside, I am counting calories, using myfitnesspal again and slowly working out. Can't go hard and can't expect myself to be perfect overnight. I am going back to an old inspiration that I used a couple years ago, the Taralynn girl from undressed skeleton. (http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com/) She lost 100 pounds in a year and I am looking at her old menus that she erased. They were pretty low-calorie (1000/1200 range) but she claimed she would add more calories in throughout the day, the 1000 range was for cushion room, or caloric slip ups.
Based on MFP to start losing 2lbs/week I should be eating 1,290k calories a day. To me that's damn low, considering I'm a binge eater. My stomach was sending my brain desperate FEED ME NOW DAMMIT signals all day long. I caved a bit, had birthday cake..but worked out still :) Oh, and I am eating back most of my workout calories so I don't go into starvation mode.
Net calories today: 1,360
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Monday, March 18, 2013
phase 2, day 2
Well today is going alright so far. :)
low cal brownie (90) egg whites (36)
tea (0) when I get to work.
snack- wasa (35) 1/2 cup raspberries (32)
lunch- 3 oz chicken(85), spinach(5), wasa
(35)
snack- strawberries (30)
dinner- 3 oz cod (80) broccoli (35)
and toss a nonfat latte in there for good measure (90) lol
low cal brownie (90) egg whites (36)
tea (0) when I get to work.
snack- wasa (35) 1/2 cup raspberries (32)
lunch- 3 oz chicken(85), spinach(5), wasa
(35)
snack- strawberries (30)
dinner- 3 oz cod (80) broccoli (35)
and toss a nonfat latte in there for good measure (90) lol
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Phase 2, Day 1..EPIC FAIL
Okay, so I failed today. Naturally. :/ Okay, I shouldn't be so negative, sorry. But really. Can't I fucking do anything right??? >_<
Breakfast- 2 egg whites, 9 raspberries, black tea.
Got to work.. wasn't feeling completely awake, but it wasn't too bad. But around 8:30 I was starving. I kept watching people buy fatty foods and mochas and lattes and all this shit.... I just couldn't stand it. The hunger would come in waves and I'd feel faint. So i nom nom'd a blueberry bagel (210) with a (70 calorie) cream cheese packet. *sigh*
I was definitely in a "fuck it" sort of mood, so I got an americano with soy (60) 1 pump sf hazelnut (5) and halfnhalf (90), drank half of all that.
lunch, wanted to binge, but I ended up eating my chicken (85) and rest of my raspberries (30) and two ranch-buffalo chips (20).
snacks- 2 light wasa crackers (70), 1/2 fuji apple (50), light sobe (15), sample of lemon lb cake (35)
Got home.. ate a whole box of annie's mac n cheese; 700 calories. Fuck.
So todays total! *drumroll* 1,467. Super-de-douper. Go me. WIN. -_-
Let's try this again tomorrow.
Breakfast- 2 egg whites, 9 raspberries, black tea.
Got to work.. wasn't feeling completely awake, but it wasn't too bad. But around 8:30 I was starving. I kept watching people buy fatty foods and mochas and lattes and all this shit.... I just couldn't stand it. The hunger would come in waves and I'd feel faint. So i nom nom'd a blueberry bagel (210) with a (70 calorie) cream cheese packet. *sigh*
I was definitely in a "fuck it" sort of mood, so I got an americano with soy (60) 1 pump sf hazelnut (5) and halfnhalf (90), drank half of all that.
lunch, wanted to binge, but I ended up eating my chicken (85) and rest of my raspberries (30) and two ranch-buffalo chips (20).
snacks- 2 light wasa crackers (70), 1/2 fuji apple (50), light sobe (15), sample of lemon lb cake (35)
Got home.. ate a whole box of annie's mac n cheese; 700 calories. Fuck.
So todays total! *drumroll* 1,467. Super-de-douper. Go me. WIN. -_-
Let's try this again tomorrow.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
HCG, mini tabs
So I have decided that I am going to attempt the HCG diet. I am taking NiGen's HCG Solution mini-tablets. I was very skeptical of course because many people have said that "your stomach cannot absorb HCG, so a pill form doesn't work." So I will see what happens. I believe though, that subsisting on 500 calories a day though will force me to lose weight no matter what though, so whatever. Something has to give.
I can't live like this anymore. But doing it the healthy way takes too long. I just want to not see the 200 number anymore on the scale. Once I start seeing 170ish I will feel like I am making some progress, then, I will begin doing it the healthy way again. I just need something to get my faith back in myself. :/
So. Here goes phase 2!
Plan for tomorrow morning:
1 cup of tea (0), 2 egg whites(32), and 1/2 cup raspberries(32)
Snack: 1 wasa light rye cracker (35), egg white (16)
Lunch: 3.5 ounces of chicken (87), 1 cup asparagus (27), tea (0)
Snack: 1 wasa light rye cracker (35), 1/2 apple (54)
Dinner: 3.5 ounces swai fish (95), 1/2 apple (55), 1 cup spinach (5), decaf tea (0)
Oy. Even to me it looks like I'm signing my death certificate -_- But apparently with the pills, I won't be hungry and I'll be losing like crazy. I'll post my beginning weight tomorrow along with my measurements. I'll be taking my measurements every 2 weeks (so every other sunday), and weighing myself daily.
I can't live like this anymore. But doing it the healthy way takes too long. I just want to not see the 200 number anymore on the scale. Once I start seeing 170ish I will feel like I am making some progress, then, I will begin doing it the healthy way again. I just need something to get my faith back in myself. :/
So. Here goes phase 2!
Plan for tomorrow morning:
1 cup of tea (0), 2 egg whites(32), and 1/2 cup raspberries(32)
Snack: 1 wasa light rye cracker (35), egg white (16)
Lunch: 3.5 ounces of chicken (87), 1 cup asparagus (27), tea (0)
Snack: 1 wasa light rye cracker (35), 1/2 apple (54)
Dinner: 3.5 ounces swai fish (95), 1/2 apple (55), 1 cup spinach (5), decaf tea (0)
Oy. Even to me it looks like I'm signing my death certificate -_- But apparently with the pills, I won't be hungry and I'll be losing like crazy. I'll post my beginning weight tomorrow along with my measurements. I'll be taking my measurements every 2 weeks (so every other sunday), and weighing myself daily.
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